How to Love Yourself and Be Confident in a Relationship: 3 Simple Steps

The steps to learn how to love yourself and be more confident in a relationship are outlined here. With practice and commitment to these steps,…


The steps to learn how to love yourself and be more confident in a relationship are outlined here.

With practice and commitment to these steps, you will naturally love yourself more and feel more confident than ever!

How to Love Yourself and Be Confident in a Relationship

It’s very wise of you that you want to learn to love yourself more. Truly, this is the first step to feeling confident!

Yet, when you don’t yet fully feel confident or self-loving, it can seem almost impossible at times to overcome this.

Related: Building Self Confidence in Your Relationships: 4 Simple Steps

However, it’s completely possible to learn how to love yourself. As you experience more self-love, you naturally are more confident in yourself!

The Steps to Learning How to Love Yourself

Fundamentally, there are only 3 steps to falling more in love with yourself.

These 3 steps for self-love are to:

  • Affirm Yourself
  • Nurture Yourself and,
  • Set Limits

To love yourself more, you simply need to practice these steps towards self-love consistently. You can’t be “perfect” in this process but you can make progress! That’s the most important thing.

how to love yourself and be confident in a relationship

Step 1 for More Self-Love and Confidence: Affirming Yourself

The first step to feeling more self-loving and confident it to practice being kind to yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is shaped by the thoughts you think about yourself. If these thoughts are unkind and critical, naturally you will feel more and more insecure.

To work on this step, you will want to practice being kinder towards yourself. This practice of affirming yourself naturally includes using positive affirmations to boost your self-esteem. (The linked article has many examples of how to do this.)

Paying attention to your self-talk and interrupting it when it’s unkind is also invaluable. This is especially true if you don’t yet believe kind things about yourself. The first step then is to simply interrupt your negative self-talk when you become aware of it! For guidance on the steps for interrupting your negative self-talk, please read: 4 Practical Tips to Learn How to Be Nice to Yourself.

Step 2 for More Self-Love and Confidence: Nurture Yourself

The next step for loving yourself more is to actively be kind to yourself. This is the act of nurturing yourself.

While you are interrupting your negative self-talk, you are also actively learning how to treat yourself with love. This is the practice of consistently giving yourself self-care and self-soothing.

Related: Self Care Guidelines: 4 Simple Ways to Commit to Self-Care

Self-care are the activities you do to stay feeling healthy and balanced. These activities include staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and moving your body.

Self-soothing activities allow you to calm your emotions when you feel overwhelmed. You may think of this as being a kind, loving parent to yourself. A loving parent cares when their child is really angry, sad, or scared. They will find ways to make them feel better – you are doing this for yourself.

Step 3 for More Self Love and Confidence: Set Limits

Setting limits is the act of identifying, setting and maintaining your boundaries. Boundary setting is an invaluable step to learning how to love yourself because you can’t fully love someone who doesn’t protect you! And boundary setting is all about being safe.

Often, this step requires a lot of patience and practice because when a person lacks self-confidence, they naturally tend to be a people pleaser.

If you notice you have poor boundaries right now, please know this is understandable. And it’s completely possible to develop healthy boundaries!

Also, just by creating a self-care routine you are already setting boundaries around your time! And this relates to how boundary setting isn’t just about being safe with others but also about being a safe person for yourself!

If you want support in practicing boundary setting, this book provides 100 different activities to do so bit by bit:

Feeling Confident in a Relationship

When you practice the 3 steps to self-love simultaneously and bit by bit, you will naturally see your value more.

The more you see your value, the less insecure you are naturally. You are building a positive cycle in your life (rather than feeding the negative, insecure one you may feel stuck in right now).

Your new self-loving and confident cycle looks like this:

  • Interrupting critical thoughts towards yourself when you become mindful of them,
  • Practicing thinking kinder, more supportive thoughts towards yourself i.e., “It’s ok to feel disappointed right now,” “It’s ok to make mistakes, you’re human!,”
  • Committing to a consistent self-care practice – even if it’s only for 5-10 minutes a day,
  • Self-soothing when you have overwhelming emotions including anxiety – this includes practicing deep breathing and taking a walk,
  • Setting boundaries with yourself to stay committed to being safe to yourself i.e., interrupting your unkind thoughts, practicing your self-care even when you don’t feel like it
  • Protecting yourself from unsafe treatment from others by setting boundaries in your relationships

It may seem like a lot right now but please remember, every time you choose a new, kinder way to act towards yourself, you are cultivating a confident and self-loving foundation in your life. And truly, it’s SO worth it!

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About The Author

Krystal Mazzola Wood, LMFT is a practicing relationship therapist and author with over a decade of experience. Currently, Krystal sees clients at her private practice, The Healthy Relationship Foundation. She has dedicated her entire career to empowering people to find their voice, deepen their ability to self-love, and improve their relationships.

Her newest book, Setting Boundaries: 100 Ways to Protect Yourself, Strengthen Your Relationships and Build the Life You Want…Starting Now! (Therapy Within Reach), gives you the tools necessary to identify, set, and stay firm with your boundaries.

Her other books, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle and The Codependency Workbook: Simple Practices for Developing and Maintaining Your Independence have helped many overcome people pleasing, self-neglect, and resentment to have a healthier relationship with themselves and others.

If you have any personal dating or relationship questions, Krystal is happy to provide advice using her expertise and compassion. If you feel comfortable, feel free to leave any questions in the comments of this post. Otherwise, you may send an email to or DM her on Instagram. We will always keep your name and other identifying information confidential.

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