When you are wanting love in your life, it can often feel confusing on how to actually manifest this love. There are countless articles on how to attract love into your life. You may have read quite a few of these and maybe tried the strategies without success.
I know how discouraging this process is as I tried to find love for many years.
I manifested my husband
But my story turned out successfully – I manifested my husband! But it didn’t happen overnight. In fact, manifesting the right, safe, healthy partnership for me took 19 years.
Along the way, I spent so much time dating ineffectively. For so long, I felt victimized by my aloneness. I desperately wanted my person to just show up and make me happy. Of course, things don’t work out this way.
Attracting love starts with you
I wasn’t able to manifest the love of my life until I realized all the barriers to love lived inside of me. I had never been a victim of circumstance nor was I unlovable. I just needed to look at attracting love completely differently.
Eventually, after my “rock bottom” codependent relationship, I realized that finding love was never about what’s “out there” but about what’s inside of me.
To manifest love in your life, here’s what I’ve learned.
Manifest Love Strategy #1: Address the barriers to love that are inside of you
All people carry unconscious beliefs based on cultural messages and/or wounding experiences. There are many examples of these beliefs but a couple are “dating apps don’t work” or “I’m not enough.” These unconscious beliefs, by their very nature, are not obvious yet they still guide your actions and choices.
Learning to uncover these unconscious beliefs is a critical step to manifesting love in your life. Otherwise, you may unwittingly self-sabotage your desires for true connection.
For many years, I personally believed there were no safe men due to my trauma. Since I didn’t perceive any other options, I dated emotionally unavailable men who were cold and abusive. Finally, I realized this was a self-defeating cycle. I began therapy to heal this belief system.
Tip for uncovering your barriers to manifesting love
It is important to honor how any trauma you may have experienced may be impacting your dating life. Reading “Dating with trauma: What you need to know” is a great place to start to identify your personal self-defeating cycles.
Therapy is a powerful option for both identifying and healing your currently unconscious beliefs. You can also heal underlying trauma in therapy.
Journaling is also a wonderful process of self-discovery for these beliefs. A powerful journal prompt is to ask yourself is What is the reason, deep down, I’m still single? Then let yourself write down any and all answers which come to mind. These will highlight some beliefs blocking love currently for you.
Manifest Love Strategy #2: Challenge your beliefs which block love
Once you identify your blocking belief towards manifesting love, its now time to start challenging this belief. After all, just because you believe something doesn’t mean it’s actual objective fact.
Lets say, you notice you believe it’s because you’re not “thin enough” that you are still single. Great awareness – now you want to look for proof otherwise. Look for examples that challenge this belief system i.e., looking at friends or family in which the female partner is larger physically but in a loving a relationship.
When I was challenging my belief there were no safe men, I started looking at the male partner in the couples I was treating as a therapist. Many of these men were truly loving and kind and were committed to fixing their relationship. This was proof that there are absolutely safe men out there.
Tip for challenging your blocking beliefs towards love
Once you are aware of your blocking beliefs towards love, set boundaries around experiences that reinforce these beliefs. Be mindful of the media and social media you are feeding your mind as these may validate your blocking beliefs. Then set boundaries with this media by watching it less, reading it less, and/or unfollowing accounts as needed.
If you judge your body as the reason you are single, you may want to unsubscribe to that magazine that leaves you feeling bad about your body. Or if you don’t trust men, in general, you may want to reduce how much you listen to true crime podcasts.
Manifest Love Strategy #3: Identify the beliefs which will attract love without self-sabotage
Your beliefs can either help attract or repel level in your life. While it takes time to truly believe something new, a helpful step towards manifesting love is asking yourself, What do I want to believe instead?
You may, for example, want to believe, “The right person for me will love and accept my body.” Or, “There are some trustworthy people in this world I could date.” For me, it was, “There are safe men who value commitment.” Now look for proof to confirm this new, supportive belief.
Tip for creating a new belief to manifest love
When you are on social media, or watching TV or a movie, or reading a book, look for signs that your new positive belief is true. This is an important step to manifesting love as it builds hope.
You can never manifest that which you think is impossible. You must know that finding your person is possible to manifest love. To plant these seeds, try journaling when you see signs that your positive belief is possible.
Guided meditations are a powerful tool in helping you feel the possibility of love coming into your life. And feeling the possibility of this manifestation of love is the secret to the law of attraction. You can’t just think it into reality. You must feel it.
Truthfully, right before I met my husband, I decided I was finally ready to meet my person. I began this 21 day mediation for attracting love and by the 20th day, my now-husband and I deleted our Hinge accounts and became exclusive!
But this took much longer than 20 days – it was the process of years of letting go of my blocking beliefs.
Building hope for your manifestation of love
Truthfully, you are looking for just one person when you are manifesting love. This universe is tremendously abundant (just look at how many leaves are on one tree for proof!) and ONE person is completely possible to find. As you heal your blocking beliefs, you can perceive the truth that this one person is out there and likely looking for you too!
Keeping clearing your blocking beliefs and supporting your positive ones to build hope. This is the surest path to manifesting love because the only true barrier, right now, is what you perceive to be possible!
About The Author, Krystal
Krystal Mazzola Wood, LMFT is a practicing relationship therapist with over a decade of experience. She has focused her entire career to empowering people to heal from unhealthy relationship processes. She teaches the skills and tools necessary to have a life filled with healthy and loving relationships.
This passion led her to write her best-selling books and create courses. Her books, The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle and The Codependency Workbook: Simple Practices for Developing and Maintaining Your Independence have helped many people heal.
Her third book, Self-Love Made Possible: The 5-Step Guide to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy and Become Your Own Best Friend will be released late 2022. To be notified of its release, please join the waitlist here.
Her course, Confidently Authentic: Stop People Pleasing and Start Being True to Yourself, provides the skills necessary to have a healthy relationship. This course features over a year of relationship skills you would learn in therapy. Students share this course has been “life changing.”
Each week, she answers your relationship questions from a place of expertise and compassion. To submit your relationship questions, please DM us @confidentlyauthentic.com or you may send an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to submit your question.