If you relate to the statement, “I feel so broken,” this is one of the most painful and lonely experiences in the world. It can feel like a vicious, downward spiral in life too if you feel broken where you feel increasingly bad, wrong, and disconnected from others.
Fortunately, you can heal this feeling and in time, feel whole and happy.
Why It Makes Sense to Think “I Feel So Broken”
The feeling that you are “broken” originates in wounding, or traumatic, experiences. Trauma due to the intensity of the pain and shock attached to it can make us feel like we “lose” a part of ourselves in this process.
Related: Why Do I Feel Like I Don’t Know Myself Anymore
As human beings, we have a core inherent need for belonging. Because this need is so intense and primal, you likely decided parts of you were unacceptable or unlovable when others rejected, abandoned, or abused you.
Hiding the “Unacceptable” Parts of Yourself
You naturally will then split off and repress parts of you to seek belonging. This is understandable and yet, sadly, leads to a feeling of being broken. Then not only do you split off from parts of yourself, you may also decide that you are “bad” or else you wouldn’t have been hurt or abandoned by the other person.
For example, if your dad called you names growing up, you will naturally try to hide the things he criticized like your sensitivity. At the same time, you will likely feel “bad” because you are sensitive which creates a vicious cycle understandably making you feel broken.
Feeling Different than Others
In addition to trauma which really means any event that wounded you, a mental health diagnosis can make you feel broken. Of course, in reality, a mental health diagnosis like a physical health one, is just information. It’s a name for what’s going on to develop a plan to treat, manage and potentially cure the concern.
Related: How Do You Learn to Love Yourself: 4 Simple Strategies
Sadly, though, feeling “different” or “flawed” compared to others may negatively impact your sense of self-worth. You may then feel broken because of this.
While it’s understandable why you may feel broken at times, you absolutely can heal and feel whole. Next, read 5 strategies to do feel more whole.
Tip #1 to Feel More Whole: Remember It’s a Feeling Not a Fact
I intimately understand the feeling of being deeply broken and truthfully, would never wish this feeling on anyone. You have my greatest empathy for feeling this way.
The soundtrack of my life until my 30s was The Smiths’ “Unlovable.” I truly believed that I was rotten, ugly, broken and undeserving of love and kindness to my core.
Fortunately, I healed and genuinely can say I love myself now and feel whole. This healing happened in baby steps. One way is by learning to cope well with my emotions with Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
Looking at the Facts
DBT teaches many skills and concepts to cope with feelings well. This includes the feeling of being “broken.”
One helpful concept is the idea that when you are overly emotional (or in Emotional Mind), you have thoughts that aren’t based in reality. These are called thinking mistakes. One thinking mistake is emotional reasoning which is where you make up something is a fact because you have a feeling.
Of course, feelings aren’t facts.
The goal here then is to check the facts to pull in logic (or Reasonable Mind). Here you can then enter Wise Mind. For example, you can notice you feel broken while remembering you have inherent worth and you can still treat yourself with kindness rather than mistreatment (which is so common when we feel broken thus perpetuating the cycle).
Facts: You’re Not Alone and You Have Inherent Worth
The truth is that all human beings have equal and inherent worth despite experiencing wounding, shaming experiences. (Don’t believe me? Consider if you believe any baby being born into this world is “better” or “less than” any other – if you don’t this proves this idea even if you feel bad or less than.)
You have equal and inherent worth to others.
Also, despite trauma feeling profoundly isolating and damaging, you’re not alone.
A study completed in 2017 to measure trauma, and complex trauma, found that in the USA there is a combined lifetime prevalence of 7.3%. This means that at least 7 out of every 100 people in the USA would qualify for a PTSD or CPTSD diagnosis.
And all people experience wounding events that harm them and make them feel “less than.” This is a fact of life.
Tip #2 to Feel More Whole: Soothe & Care for Your Body
Sadly, when a person feels broken, they tend to do things which further harm their sense of self-respect. This may include neglecting themselves like by not ever drinking water, getting movement or sleeping enough.
They may also self-sabotage or self-harm. This can include getting stuck in toxic relationships. However, caring for your body is a pathway out of feeling lost from yourself and broken. First, it helps you reconnect with your authentic self. Secondly, when you commit to self-care you begin to act with self-respect which, in time makes you feel more whole.
Some articles to help you on your self-care journey are:
- Self-Care Guidelines: 4 Simple Ways to Commit to Self-Care,
- Why Self-Care is Not Selfish,
- How to Take Care of Yourself – 6 Simple Self-Care Strategies and,
- Is Self Care Important? 4 Reasons Why It Is
Tip #3 to Feel More Whole: Reparenting Yourself
Trauma, as stated before, can make us feel like we have to hide certain parts of us. Often, these parts we hide are our sensitivity, creativity, playfulness and spontaneity because we picked up the message they are “too much” for others.
This leads us to have these scared, wounded younger parts inside of us that we typically ignore and further shame when we feel broken. For example, when you feel sad you may tell yourself to “get over it” because other people in the world have it worse.
Instead, you want to learn how to act like a loving healthy parent to yourself. The only jobs of a healthy parent are to:
- Affirm the child i.e., “You are so precious, I’m sorry your family didn’t see that,” or “you’re trying your best” or “you’re enough,”
- Nurture them like with healthy care (for reparenting its your commitment to self-care that matters here) and kind validation like, “It’s ok to be sad. We all feel that way sometimes! Here, I’m going to sit with you while we watch your favorite movie,”
- Set limits to protect the child this includes setting boundaries with other people and with yourself to be healthier to you such as by committing to a bedtime to ensure you get enough sleep
Coming Back to Yourself
To help yourself feel more whole, it’s a great idea to do this following visualization to reclaim your inner child.
Please repeat this process as needed and know, it’s ok to feel uncomfortable doing this. It may seem strange but honestly, it’s powerful work towards feeling more whole. This process is also supported by research.
Tip #4 to Feel More Whole: Trauma Therapy
If you have the ability, seeking therapy to address the wounds which make you feel broken is highly recommended.
Through research proven therapy for trauma, such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) you can heal. EMDR helps you feel less distressed recalling painful memories such as when your parents divorced or you were bullied. With reprocessing, these memories can become just another memory for you rather than feeling haunting.
Also, EMDR helps you change your beliefs related to trauma. For example, you may move from believing, “I’m broken,” to truly believing, “I’m whole and lovable.”
Here are some articles to help you on your therapy journey:
- What to Look for in a Therapist: 3 Tips by a Licensed Therapist,
- Therapy for Attachment Issues,
- What to Do If You Can’t Afford Therapy: 4 Effective Tips by a Therapist,
- Healing Childhood Abandonment Trauma on Your Own, and
- Can You Heal Trauma on Your Own? 4 Clear Steps to Heal
Tip #5 to Feel More Whole: Soul Retrieval Meditation
If you are open a spiritual approach to healing, you can meditate to feel more whole. Inner child meditations can help with this.
Additionally, there is a concept of healing called “soul retrieval.” The idea here is that parts of you get lost back in time when a trauma happened. For example, you may feel a part of you is still stuck in the room where a horrible incident happened in the past.
With soul retrieval meditations, you go back in time to save these parts and bring them back to the present with you. This creative, spiritual approach can be profoundly helpful towards you feeling whole.
You Can Heal and Feel Your Wholeness
Feeling broken is one of the most painful experiences in the world. Fortunately, it can be healed and overcome. Please support yourself with these healing tips. Even if you don’t yet think you are worth this time and effort, the practicing of acting as if you are deserving is profoundly healing in of itself.
In time, you will experience a sense of relief and wholeness just by staying committed to this work.
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